THE BIG CAT HUNT

Jaguar's big Grand Tourer comes of age, but will the company's traditional buyers accept a car stuffed full of 2010 technology? More importantly, is it any good?

First some background. 2 Magazine have been given this beautiful XK for five days at a time when most of Europe is in the grip of the worst winter since 1981. We called to confirm the delivery, only to be told that it was not possible to alter the date we would receive the 380-horsepower Coupe. Ambulance on stand-by, then. Driving a machine of this output in conditions which World Rally ace Sebastien Loeb would describe as `shocking' will demand some serious levels of commitment. Fortunately, the snow vanished the day before the test, so divine intervention has allowed us to deliver you this full-on drive.

Jaguars have typically appealed to the 50-plus self-made set; pale, stumpy bores who own cleaning companies and two sets of golf clubs. This new XK is different. This is as close as Jaguar is ever likely to get to engineering a car for the new-moneyed young; brash, loud, confident and totally enigmatic – think of it as Paco Rabanne 1 Million but with an engine. Think of it, then, as the first cool Jaguar since the '61 E-Type your hip father used to bang on about. This is a car which you can justifiably obsess about without making apologies, and the sort of opulent cruiser your friends will all ask to borrow.

The latest XK excels at destroying one's preconceptions. It is not a quiet and gentle tourer, and neither is it a poor man's Aston Martin. What is it then? Loud, exotic, fiery, charismatic, coveted, divine; these are all adjectives which serve only to undersell this car. Perhaps the greatest accolade that can be bestowed is that it is alive. The steering feels alive, the exhaust sounds alive, and all the time it seems to push you further and further, encouraging you to up the risk quotient just for the hell of it. `Go on . .faster . .louder . . it's fine', it seems to say. Pulling out to overtake one car becomes a blood-curdling thrill ride as you hang in the adjacent lane for longer and longer at a time, past six cars, seven, eight, then back in. You want to exercise some restraint but you can't, because all of the time you are being shouted at to do your worst.

The audacious exhaust vocal works best as street entertainment. Popping the throttle open in the center of town for a fraction of a second is enough to startle old people and turn the heads of hundreds. Children grab their parents for security and stare and point; adults turn their heads and look across with jealous scorn. These are all desirable effects of course, and the reaction is understandable. If I owned this car, I would probably sleep in it.

Why do so many luxury makers bother to offer their top cars with a V8, then go to all the trouble of masking the noise and vibration? Jaguar decided to let their 5-liter block breath freely, and it is intrinsic to the personality of the car. It shouts and screams and demands attention like a drunken but charismatic reveler at an otherwise-sedate cocktail party. It is riotous and more than a little risque, but there is no way that it can be forgotten or disliked; Jaguar's take on the V8 theme is an enchanting and beautifully rendered oil painting among run-of-the-mill scribbles and black-and-white `to do' lists.

So what are the alternatives? Well, you could have a BMW 6-Series if you can get over the looks, or a Mercedes CLK if you don't need the pace. Then of course, there is the classic quick-Coupe choice; the Porsche 911. It is reasonable to assume the Porsche would be fractionally the quicker car on a circuit, but how often would you plan to drive on anything other than public roads? The Jaguar thrills like its competitors, but also rewards and cossets in a way which they cannot.

You could also spread your wings by adding more money to the pot. Now the Aston Martin Vantage is within reach. The buyer would need to make some form of calculation as to how much value they apportion to the badge kudos, because the XK on the road leaves the driver wanting for nothing further. Maserati perhaps? A left-field choice for a very brave man; the Granturismo demands constant attention from the driver, and a sympathetic relationship with one's breakdown recovery provider. The Jaguar, meanwhile, will likely still be here after the next World War.

Are there any drawbacks to the XK? Yes, of course, but the car's breadth of ability goes so far as to render them negligible. Almost.

There are three points of concern, but I blame the Pimpin' 20-inch rims for two of them. First, the car squirms some under braking, and the front end follows ridges and compressions on bad roads. There is also some noticeable fidget from the front above 120 mph, but this is not something you are likely to notice on the commute from Dusit to Silom.

Lastly, the fuel consumption is fairly horrific. Jaguar is claiming 8.8 kilometers per liter, which in the car's own dashboard language translates to 25 miles per gallon. This sounds reasonable, but achieving over 22 mpg requires some proper concentration. If you use any of the firepower, the economy will drop to halfway, so if you see a vehicle in front that you consider overtaking, think twice; that passing move will likely equal the cover price of this magazine.

The stereo system is predictably superb, and there is a built-in i-pod dock hidden under the center armrest, which is a terrific idea. Why does every car not have this? The B&W audio is best switched off in traffic, as the exhaust note makes for much more stimulating aural sensation when moving slowly. The XK grumbles like a caged animal, and a little prod of the loud pedal is like poking the beast with a stick. It rears and shouts and beats its chest, all seemingly to attract the attention of any passers-by. Its a very difficult car to drive quietly.

It is also a very difficult car to drive slowly. Most of the modern cars we own will hit 0-60 in around 10 seconds, but Jaguar were making cars this quick in 1935. They have always turned out indomitable tourers with an emphasis on gorgeous styling and impeccable levels of luxury. The current XK follows the same theme, but the new car is made almost entirely of lightweight aluminum, which means that it is suddenly a great deal of fun to throw around too. A Jaguar Coupe now is a car of outstanding sporting talent, in addition to its established remit as opulent grand tourer. Crucially, its off-duty racer aspirations do not hamper its traditional values of comfort or elegance.

There are a lot of fast cars in the world. Similarly, there are a lot of cars jammed full of gadgets. Neither of these attributes really help to make a car appealing. The Jaguar XK is different because there is a depth of passion which runs through the DNA of its engineering. All cars, for example, have a little red flashing light to tell you that the vehicle is immobilized. In the Jag however, it pulses like a heartbeat. It is a silly thing which seems insignificant, but added to the melting pot, it becomes just another part of this car's complete cache of charms. So too are the LED headlights which can be fired up from 300m away, even without the car running. And so are the seats, which are somehow soft and hard at the same time. So is the automatic gear selector, which rises electrically out of the center console. And so too are the wipers, whose pattern slows down as you come to a stop so you do not become irritated with their movement when stationary.

If you're in the market for some exclusive British metal, the decision has rarely been this simple. If you want to waft between appointments at a sedate pace, buy Jaguar's softer XJ luxury sedan. If you would prefer to arrive sidewards, and with your hair on fire, and everybody looking, then you really need an XK.

Think of this car as Daniel Craig in Casino Royale; sharp-suited and well spoken, but an icy-cold killing machine underneath. This is an object which tugs on the heart strings, but crucially pushes the right logic buttons too. It is all things at all times; companion, colleague, mistress, servant.

Reading an endless string of superlatives can be quite tiresome, so sometimes it is best to state an unambiguous fact. Put simply, relative to cost the Jaguar XK is the most complete grand tourer in the world.